Wednesday, June 30, 2010

lazy? depression?

Well, it's been awhile. Things have been somewhat busy here on the homestead. The second bunch of nuggets are growing (these are dual purpose roosters, so they won't be ready for slaughter until November or so and surprise of surprises we didn't lose any of them). The first group of pullets are starting to assimilate in with the established flock and our 3 more layers are still hanging with the nuggets, but I think we'll start free ranging them this weekend. I have to admit it is nice to have them all outside and not in my living room, though ;}

The garden is doing pretty well. We've planted lots of different types of tomatoes, some peppers, cauliflower, broccoli, spaghetti squash, bush beans, potatoes, onions and of course the peas. The peas are basically done now - next year we will have to plant lots more. We've started stocking the freezer with peas from the farm stand/market. Looking forward to local peas in January! Eating almost entirely local now - love the summer for good food.

Starting my own seeds was a complete bust - feeling really stressed about all the seeds I bought and the fact that unless they went into the ground - I didn't get anything from them. Also was unable to grown any greens - we're still working on reconfiguring beds to hopefully be more successful later in the season. I've also had a hard time finding seedlings of the medicinal herbs I want to plant :{ - we managed to winter over our chives and some thyme and I purchase some lavender and some basil to put in the garden. I also bought a really pretty ornamental yarrow for my "pretty" bed in front of my bedroom window, but I haven't even been able to figure out where I want to plant my nettle. I'm feeling a bit stumped and like I'm running out of time. The strawberry plants did not come back and I'm now thinking of pulling them out and just not having any - they are plentiful in our area, so I'm thinking that we should just purchase them at a upick farm for the freezer and jam.

Lately, I seem to be focused on what I haven't accomplished rather than what I have and this makes me feel lazy and depressed. I think all in all I'll feel much better once we have the garden fenced in - then I can really be weeding and checking on things and maybe get something more planted - I'm afraid to plant anything else right now because the cheeckens or the ground hog will probably eat it (what we've planted so far is fenced in with temporary fencing until the whole garden is done).

I have managed to remain pretty strong in my commitment to only line dry our laundry - we've used the dryer twice in the last few weeks, so I guess that's an accomplishment. However, I've really dropped the ball in my sewing projects and herbal studies. I've also fallen out of my spiritual practice and studies. I'm really feeling like I'm in a holding pattern, maybe even back tracking a bit.

I know this path is about adjustment, releasing old habits and learning new ones, but I have to admit I'm just really tired and find it hard to fight my old habits - I'm just really struggling right now. Maybe working third shift has just caught up to me?

I'm sure I'll figure it all out and start back on this important spiritual/practical journey - maybe I just need a vacation.

5 comments:

  1. If it makes you feel any better, it's always been two steps forward and one step back for us. We make progress, but sometimes it's so painfully slow (like a slug crossing a tar road) that it seems like we're not going anywhere.

    Having said that, I want to share with you that it's not the physical changes you see taking place that matter. What matters is the changes that are taking place inside your brain, because that's where, ultimately, the biggest changes have to happen, and from what you've shared, you're there. Local food, your garden, your chickens. Don't despair. You're doing great!

    Just keep up the good work ... and retire the dryer, already :). Mine has sat unused for more than a year. I'm thinking I might store some blankets in there, because Deus Ex Machina insists that we should keep it, even though it doesn't get used. Whaddya think?

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  2. I heard that, Wendy! Hope, I can relate to your "falling out". I am in this program and am learning a ton, but I have not yet figured out how to incorporate it into my everyday life. Still, we push on! Take heart!

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  3. "Life is a journey, not a destination" I know, I know: cliché.

    You should be proud of what you have accomplished! You went from living in the city to following your dream of country living. Now you’re living it!

    This is all new. It is not going to be perfect. You’re learning as you go and you’re aware of that!

    I go through many of the same thoughts and feelings. I plan a project, and when things don’t go as planned I feel out of control. I’ve had to learn that I can’t control everything, some things I just have to let go of.

    3rd shift is definitely a lifestyle. It is hard to balance things at times. A vacation is definitely a must! Spirituality is an important part of the puzzle as well.

    Carole P-

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  4. Thanks guys - I really needed that reminder. I think the hardest is that I have backslid so far in my Druidry studies - with my schedule it is really hard to find a "regular" time to do that work and consistency is key.

    Maybe it's time to start exploring work from home opportunities. Wait - that takes energy too. The day after a work night is usually pretty shot for me - it's all I can do to just get the day to day stuff done. Having said that, I do have a loaf of bread rising and a load of laundry drying on the line and I promised the kids a sweet snack, so I'm off to see what I can put together.

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  5. I can so relate to this post! When life takes over it is sometimes hard to keep up with the spiritual side of things but you are accomplishing loads! I am finding we are re-thinking EVERYTHING again , I think my family was made for being gypsies!

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